but there is no home for me here
no place to simply rest
the loneliness is intense,
the depressed feelings of why I don’t do more,
why don’t I contribute more
the world cries in pain
and I sit and read the Talmud
and Rav Soloveitchik
deeply felt traditions, but
not expansive enough for me
perhaps that is what I desire
is something to hold me in,
to reign in my wild ride of exploration
yet with the understanding
that love of God, love of the infinite IS everything.
but the word “love” does nothing
to change things
what can change
all levels, all lines, all
scales of magnitude?
they are all changing all the time anyway
must we do anything,
or must we do nothing?
I sometimes feel that everything
rests on me, everything waits for me
to create something,
a new religion even . . .
don’t we need something new,
but not simplistic, not utilitarian,
but prayerful, hopeful, wonder-full
demanding faith, devotion, conviction,
passion of love and acceptance and dedication
not the passion of exclusion, isolation, righteousness
perhaps it is this passion, this devotion, this dedication
that I find within the pages of the Talmud and in
words of the Rav and in the restrictions of halakha
but can we create new halakha
that are not simply our own desires,
our own pleasures
but in some way honor
and demand a total commitment
of love and dedication?
a halakha that
“believes that there is only one world –
not divisible into secular and hallowed sectors –
which can either plunge into ugliness and hatefulness,
or be roused to meaningful, redeeming activity,
gathering up all latent powers into a state of holiness."